Great weekend...

So Saturday was a hit. Absolutely great except for the parking at Parables. :P Supper was great, company was great, played Pictionary (lotsa fun!) and got to bed nice and early. Simply great to spend 11 hours with my dear Angie. It was great to have many people in though and just hang out.

Now, I'm pretty sure you've all given a speech or toast or presentation of some type. You spend time preparing or figuring out what you were going to say, never quite sure how it would sound or if it would cause the reaction you desired. If your nervousness would diminish the emotion that you wish to convey. My point is that I had thought & hoped that before too long Angie would tell me that she loved me. At which point I would gladly return the words. I had wanted to say those words for some time now but I didn't want to be premature in that area so I decided to wait for her to feel ready & say it first. Patience is important in our relationship and hurrying can only lead to missing important and enjoyable parts of the journey. Ok, I'm rambling again. My point of this paragraph was that today, after church, when I returned "I Love You Angie." I felt so calm, so at ease so relaxed. Everything felt perfect. Everything felt right. It came out of my mouth better today in reality than ANY of the times I had visualized the scenario in my mind. I've spent much time in the last few hours praying and reflecting. One answer and only one answer has come to me. It was the right thing to do. I am the happiest that I have been in over a decade.

It was a good weekend. :)

Just a quick one...

Just wanted to let everyone know how much fun last night was for me. Angie-Jay day was awesome. It was so nice to have 11 hours with my sweetheart.

I'm very glad I was able to have you all in. We'll do it again sometime. :) It was lots of fun. Good people, good conversation. Who could ask for more. I hope you all enjoyed yourselves. Thanks for bring so much stuff to eat. Ok, I'm going to get ready for church.

Just a few thoughts...

Well, it's been four days since I saw any nicotine (nicorette). My cravings are down to about one every 3-4 hours but they go away within five minutes and aren't very strong. I feel great about it, but I won't drop my guard yet. I know that this busy weekend will make me forget any cravings that think they are going to try to bother me.

About this weekend... I'm pretty stoked. It is going to be great. I haven't had a nice group of people in for ages & as my MSN name said... It's a good group!

I found out today from one of my friends in a chair that the Dominican Republic is very accessible. It is nice to hear. Makes me feel much more positive about traveling. Since I've yet to leave North America in my life. Of course, I'm thinking until Hatian unrest settles I'll be staying away from that area though Tannis said it was fine where they were.

At any rate I had better get some more studying done before the day is over cause this weekend is packed. If anyone needs directions or anything feel free to contact me. Just leave a comment or send an email.

52 hours down, 20 to go...

So I've heard that nicotine withdrawl is strongest for the first 72 hours. As my title says, it was I think 11:30 AM two mornings ago since my last piece of Nicorette. I can honestly say that the cravings have gotten way less intense since then. I was still dizzy this morning & things looked just a little bit... cartoonish or out of focus, but that seems to be gone now.

At any rate I'm pretty sure that I'm free. I only fell off the wagon once & it wasn't a bad fall. :P I know that I had posted before about the smoke free day. It was premature because the cravings returned, mom was here smoking her usual heavy number of butts and I had not broken free completely. Ya I've heard that for 10 years I'll have cravings. That's fine, but the first 3 days is ALMOST gone & I'm starting to feel more normal. Thanks to everyone for any and all support. Angie deserves 99.99% of the praise awarded to those here with us, while my mom deserves a -99.99% of that praise for offering me smokes when she was here then leaving some behind intentionally for me to see once she had gone. Love her & my dad with my whole heart, but she kills with kindness. But That's a completely different post. The biggest praise goes to God who removed so many cravings for me. Just asked for them to be gone and like a water tower spilling over a match, the craving was extinguished. And, for the third time this week, I feel a bit closer to Him & it feels great.

Finally, I think I have just won the most difficult battle of my life. Breaking my neck, getting 4 screws drilled into my skulll, without anesthetic, & 6.5 months of painful rehabilitation then trying to return to life took its toll and certainly was not easy, but it was not as tough as quitting smoking. So if in the future your children decide to try it... stop them! No matter what it takes STOP THEM before they get hooked. Gross pictures of lungs didn't stop me. Stories didn't stop me. Peer pressure made me start. Anyway, know your kids, their friends, their "buttons" that influence change or get them passionate about things. Anyway, I'm rambling. I should go get ready for my date tonight. That reminds me to get out a few yearbooks for conversation. :P

HOMER MAD!!!

Seldom do I get mad or frustrated to this degree but this time I am sharing my rage. This rant has one purpose: To get people to drive nowhere fast, use extra paper, leave the water running while brushing their teeth, throw out pop bottles and eat lots of extra beans! :P

Today I head down to Dodge City to get my check engine light looked at to make sure that there is nothing seriously wrong with my van. I find out that the problem is with a vent system designed to prevent fumes from the gas tank (which needs to be properly ventillated anyway otherwise as gas gets used a vaccum would form like sucking on a pop bottle otherwise the vehicle would quit from no fuel) from leaking into the environment.

I have many points, but here are a few:
1. When you fill up it's going to let out a lot of fumes, not just a few from driving. Have you ever watched near the gas fill hole when filling up? Looks like a hot highway on a summer day there are so many fumes escaping.
2. Gas is a natural product. It exists naturally... while the environmentalists are at it they might as well try to stop avalanches because they are killing trees.
3. The gas I burned going down there did more damage to the environment than a year of leaking fumes.

The list goes on, but I need a rest. I don't usually go out of my way to pollute. I usually hang on to that gum wrapper or try to shut lights off if I don't need them, but give me a break. These environmentalists are going to far & I plan to kill an extra 25 gophers this summer just to prove my point. This is the nastiest side of Jason you will ever see. I'm not this agressive, just frustrated at the lengths these people go to to make things more difficult for us all with very minimal benefit to things. Interesting that my upcoming exam is on cost/benefit trade offs... even though it is in regard to accounting policies. :) Ok, I'm good now. hehehe Sorry, just one of those things that pushes my venting button. LOL no pun intended.

May I conclude to the environmentalists with a piece of scripture:

James 4.4 ...whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God.

I declare...

Today is going to be declared my first smoke free day. Yes, I've gone a large number of days without cigarettes (Not consecutively necessarily) but I needed to declare a day as the day I quit for good. The cravings still arise, but usually a quick prayer chases the demon away.. or a nice distracting game of solitaire. :P So ya, Today is the day, na na na na hey hey good bye, Another one bites the dust, you get the idea, I'm finished. Thank you Angie for your support in this battle/war. We won! Raise the flag

So it took me a month and a half instead of 3 days to quit like I hoped, but I guess a win is a win. Just think of the extra cash I'll have now! :P

Freedom and independence...

Are so wonderful. I just had a great 3 days with my mom but let me say that I have renewed empathy for those who are ready to move out and be on their own. ;) Yes, I need help with a few things. That top shelf can be so close but so far. :p But for the most part I'm glad to be here by myself now with my new Skillet - Collide CD just blasting in my ears. Yes, I should study and get some work finished, but I think it is me time for awhile.

You know, I had plenty more to say but I seem to have forgotten. I think mostly it was complaining & I tend to forget annoyances pretty fast so that is ok. I do believe that not seeing my Angie last night had its good points. She had a chance to get some work done. I did get a fair bit done around here. And I guess Saturday's date will be even sweeter. Still, I would rather have spent time with her. :)

Anyone else as anxious for spring as me? Just gorgeous out there today! (Halifax is getting pounded with a blizzard :P) My friend Ken said he saw a gopher on the road the other day. That got my trigger finger twitching. The OLN had wakeboarding on it today & I got pretty antsy for some boating this summer. Hopefully dad's building skills and my engineering skills are up to par cause I have a schweet design to turn a $10 pair of garage sale waterskis into a "sit-ski" for myself. Final cost should be about $45. To buy one new retails for $3,000 US for the one best suited to me. Yup, they sure know how to soak those people that need/use special equipment. Thankfully, both dad & I are creative. In this case the cost will be 1% (considering exchange and shipping) of the retail cost & it will fit me perfectly. Here's a pic of one of the more expensive ones:

Yup, I think that's all I can think of for now. Tell me your summer fun ideas/plans. Anyone have some gooders? If they're accessible, even better! :P

Time flies...

Not too much to say today yet but I was thinking. Would the first 47 days of the year have passed this quickly under last year's circumstances? It has been one month since I first met Angie at Tony Thomas' and it feels like only days since we met in respect to how quickly time has passed from the enjoyable time we've spent together, yet it feels so much longer in respect to how well I have gotten to know her and her family. My point is that time is very realative. One second on a hot stove seems like hours, hours together talking on Valentine's day seems like seconds. Yup, That's all I have for now. I'll try tocome up with something philisophical for you to chew on next time. :P

First time for everything...

So for the first time Angie & I were pretty quiet at first when we were talking tonight. And yet it was comfortable just to chat small talk. Pretty soon we were discussing everything again. I had a pretty productive day & I'm pretty stoked about mom coming tomorrow. Haven't seen her since Christmas. Dad either for that matter, but They'll make a trip in March. Besides, my weekends are too busy. They were bugging me about needing to make an appointment. I told them I was booked up for some time.

It feels great to have almost everything the way I feel it should be. To have a whack of new friends. New church that I love very much. My dear Angie (I know you're sick of the mush, but I am going to express my emotions) whom I have grown so fond of. Things seem the best they have ever in my life. I have never been closer to God. My smoking grows further and further a part of my past. Now, if that gas cap sensor would quit setting off my check engine light we'd be fine. ;) :)

Yesterday was so excellent...

Ya, I know, most of you are sick of hearing the mush so I'll try to keep it down to a minimum. But I gotta say it was an awesome evening. I am so happy and thankful to have been able to cook and do dishes for Angie. We had a nice supper, good chat and just enjoyed each other's company. Now I'm just anxiously awaiting going to church.

I look back a mere month and a half and simply cannot believe how much better a person I feel that I am now compared to then. When good things happen in my life they happen FAST! I'm not complaining because it is a rush and it motivates me to continue improving myself. Yes, it's all good.

I hope everyone else had a good day yesterday. Tell me your stories.

Funny day...

I didn't have anything to really yak about until now. I just received a call from Angie & that set me straight. I had a strange dream last night. I won't get into it except to say that I was in like a Roger Rabbit Movie except with Simpsons characters and a high school dance. In my dream Angie wasn't there and that bothered me in my dream so when I awoke I had the most desturbing feeling of urgency. Just made me feel off today until I heard from her. :)

Anyone else want to share a strange dream? That is if you can remember them. I usually forget them within minutes of waking up. Maybe that was why I felt off today cause of the fact that I would remember, of all my dreams, one of the most disconcerting. Anyway, share your stories! :)

Maybe I'm feeling funny cause it is Friday the 13th... I dunno.

Stubborn, stubborn man...

Yup, That's me from time to time. Finally, after fighting a bladder infection for a month to the day I'm going to see a doctor. I'm not that stubborn, but I just hate taking antibiotics because if it says possible side effects, I'm pretty likely to get those effects. Not to mention how alergic I am to so many different antibiotics. Anyway, I guess I'll suck it up, go get fixed up and likely lose another 5 lbs as is usually the case when I'm taking those blasted things.

I'm not starting them until after Saturday cause I want to be feeling 100% for our special day. :) It is going to be great.

It will be so nice...

To go have supper with Angie and her family tomorrow evening. To see someone else's home for a change, and to just spend a few hours with her! ;) I know I'm getting mushy again but I don't think I care. I'm giddy again which was wearing off a bit, but it is back. Everything seems so good right now despite a few unfortunate things. I'm kind of euphoric but I like it in this place and as always, things will work out perfectly according to His plan.

Countless times I've worried about things and circumstances for no good reason. It did no good to worry and EACH time things worked out. I think I have finally realized the truth and taken my next step in my relationship with God. Boy I can be stubborn sometimes. Takes a pretty swift kick in the butt to break my stubborn streak in a lot of cases. :)

The sweetest sound...

Came to me last night as I prepared for bed. I heard from God and it was as clear, crisp and refreshing as mountain air. I have had growing concern for my dad and his faith. It is not displayed very much in his life or words and never really has been. Saying grace has never been a part of our family. The same goes for church attendance with the exception of special occassions. At my grandmother's 90th birthday supper this Saturday my dad was the one to say grace. I thought, ok, good stuff when I heard about it. But last night I realized that in talking to him in the last few months and especially in the last few weeks since I first went with Angie to Ebenezer he seems different in good ways. Last night I recalled my dad's reaction during the times that we did go to church in years past, and the tears of joy that fell when he realized that I had given myself to Jesus at camp that incredible summer. I think that my accident had jaded him and made him feel forgotten by our Father. I had prayed for help and how I could... show or bring my dad back to God.

Why not just tell dad and proclaim Him to my dad? Well, I know my dad and sometimes he is resistant to ideas, when he has his own idea, whether it be about an idea of how to build something or about faith. The answer, as I said, came to me last night like chimes across a glass smooth lake at sunrise. The answer is so simple, so beautiful, so overwhelmingly powerful. "Jason, go to church regularily (I was planning this anyway) with Angie and your new friends." My simply doing this has changed my dad in mere weeks. I am so overwhelmed with joy right now. It has been awhile since I have heard from God so clearly and powerfully.

I have learned much this weekend. I got to see Stacey's children which was awesome. Then yesterday was the baby dedication. Then last night and right now I feel so much better about my dad and myself and my growing relationship with God. I got to spend Saturday evening and Sunday with my dear Angie. Who could ask for a better weekend? I should get to the homework, but it might be tough today because it seems so insignificant compared to everything else that I have learned this weekend. I better go tackle it. :)

Boy oh boy...

I am tired, but too excited. I'll never get to sleep yet. Angie & I just finished a wonderful evening of supper and talking. Never in my life have I communicated with anyone so easily. I got to see my best friend's daughter today & his & his wife's son for the first time. What a cutie. I'm beginning to really love kids & Azzy calling me Uncle Jason makes me smile largely.

I'm pretty stoked now & tomorrow is Kianna's dedication then lunch. I finally get to meet Karen. Should be interesting. ;) But I am so incredibly happy now. Feels great. I have precious friend and wonderful girlfriend in that woman. I'm just so content...

Looking outside...

I see those good old neighbors of mine shoveling some snow & keeping our condo looking good. How I long to have stood up out of bed early, thrown on some clothes and been out there, with the strong back I used to have, taking a big load off of their "experienced" and tired backs. Sitting here pecking away at this keyboard instead of pounding out the words with 10 fingers at my former 75 words per minute I find myself growing impatient. I do not like it and it is not good. I cannot help but think after a few powerful leg spasms this morning that all I need is that stinking connection to be completed in my neck & I would be out there helping shovel. My muscles are still strong.

My impatience comes as I think about the doctor in Israel that got a long time paraplegic functioning almost completely normally just a few months ago. She was obviously on to something and yet there was very little coverage of the event. Of course I can understand the world not wanting a cure to anything because they make a nice tidy average 400% markup on special equipment for the sick or disabled. Her injection of morally correct stem cells (No cloning, abortion or destruction of life) returned a man to his feet.

Lots on my mind today cause I want to be back on my feet for the myriad of issues that would be simply GONE never to worry about again... I want to resume my yard maintenance career or some physically healthy career. Sitting behind a desk isn't that appealing after awhile though my dad's aching 56 year old back would disagree.

Ahhh Saskatchewan...

Anyone who says Saskatoon is big I must disagree with. As Angie has said often when she goes out for coffee with friends from other cities or towns her friends often see more people they know than she does and she's from Saskatoon. Last night at Denny's we saw some friends of the family who neither I or my parents had seen for some time. They live in Saskatoon now so yes, it is probably more likely for me to see them before my parents except for the fact that until I met my dear Angie, I hardly ever went out and these friends of my family are in Swift Current often so you'd think maybe my parents would see them too. I think every time I my parents go to Medicine Hat to shop I hear about dozens of couples from Swift Current that my parents saw in "The Hat" while they were there.

Which brings me to my next point. People are too busy nowadays. I remember as a kid, in the winter, my parents and I either went to these people's place every second weekend or they came to our house. Now it's fortunate to see them twice a year. But that seems to be the case with so many people. I can't remember the last time I saw "Cuzin Joe". I know Stacey is busy & it's not like I can just take off to Regina to visit him & Teri. I've yet to meet their son Austin though I've heard him on the phone and seen quite a few pictures. I think about Big Brad from SIAST. Haven't talked to him since... November of '02. You get my point. Take time to check in with people. Never know what can happen. Point 3...

Slow down and look when you're driving. Up by Denny's is the place where part of my van modifications were completed so I thought I'd show Ange where just for interest's sake. I show her then start to pull a u-turn at the intersection only to narrowly be missed by a guy driving by. I didn't see him in my mirror before I started the turn. He missed us (obviously cause I'm home writing this) but it was icy & he may not have been able to react. I just assumed because this intersection is completely dead most of the day it certainly wouldn't be busy at 7:45 at night! Right? Wrong. Anyway, My bad, but that heart-in-your-throat feeling could subside any time now. So he follows us back to Denny's to yell at me. I appologized he just said, "You gotta look man! I wouldn't have F-ing been able to stop!" I said sorry again & he left, we went in for coffee. Final point (4)...

It is great to be Canadian living here in Saskatoon. Ya, it's not perfect, but had this been L.A. I might recevied a whooping or piece of lead. Other than that little experience it was another incredible evening. Great company ;) and great conversation. Saturday and Sunday are too far away. :) Ok, that is plenty. Wouldn't want to start rambling... :P

So much to learn...

So I can see my goals & take the steps to reach them. I would say that I have conquered quite a few obstacles in my life. I'm not trying to boast, everyone has their trials. Each time I reach a goal a new one is presented to me by God & I begin working on imporving myself and working on that goal.

Perhaps it has been ignorance, laziness or simply complacency with my relationship with Him, but in reading some bible studies today I realized how many ways I have to improve. I always knew that there are near infinite ways to become a better man, but I guess without reading them and seeing the directions I have to go I had grown too content. It was a rather loud wake up call to start thinking and making a harder effort to reach the next level. It is an exciting challenge. But I guess the mountain looks bigger the closer you get to it. I truly do have a mountain of things to learn. :)

Ahhh answers...

Amazing how a guy can go from pretty down to pretty pumped. Even though I found out today that I failed an exam, nothing matters... yet everything matters. I think lately I have been letting my brain do too much work. I should let it look after homework & let my heart, conscience and God do the rest of the thinking and decision making.

One amazing phone call with a few thoughts sorted out with my incredible Angie & I'm back grinning like a fool. I have one incredible girlfriend there. I know I just said it, but once isn't enough.

Feeling off...

I don't know what it is or why, but I just feel off. Maybe I have too much on my mind. The homework for today is almost finished, but I just can't seem to focus. Nothing looks appealing for supper and I don't feel like pizza.

Now that is funny! One of those gosmokefree.ca commercials just came on that just fit me to a tee. That goofy looking guy was saying how he quit for a few days, then gave in for a day, then quit etc. That's me today. Infact I think a big part of my problem is today's guilt of smoking. I know it was only a few drags, but I feel guilty. I am sick and tired of damaging my body. I refuse to keep this bologna up. I just wasn't into my prayers today & I searched and searched for passages to help me out, but none seemed to do the trick. I think a good chat with my awesome girlfriend will fix me up. I think things will be fine once I talk to her. Now that's an addiction I like. Better try once more to find something appealing for supper. :P

It's official...

Well, After much patience & impatience I've found myself a girlfriend. Not just a girlfriend, but someone who I am more comfortable talking to than anyone I have ever met. Too much to say... I'll just say that I'm happier than I can last remember... I'm pretty stoked. But I am proud & delighted to call Ange my girlfriend.